The time has come! This is it. Are we ready to discuss the book? Has everyone read it? I hope you have. I wish we could all be together in someone's home having dinner and chocolate cake while we discuss the book. Instead I'm frantically trying to write a post so we can begin. It's Friday and Erin Leigh is home sick, Mike is also home, and we are getting ready to head out to Mallory's waterpolo game. Mike has just said, "You should have done that blog last night." He is right and I should have so I apologize that I am not more organized. I want this to be fun and low key, and that no one feels like they have to write an official book report or summation. That is unless you want to.
With that being said, and also being pressed for time, and new at this book club blog forum, I am going to express in a single sentence how I felt about this woman, her book and her methods.
I THINK AMY CHAU'S CHILDREN, PARTICULARLY LULU, COULD FILE A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT AGAINST THEIR MOTHER FOR STEALING THEIR CHILDHOOD!
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with Amy Chau? Did you like her? Could you appreciate her methods? Did you feel sorry for Lulu? What about Sophia?What did you think of her husband? What did you think of her mother in-law? Do you think it is right for a child to practice 6 hours a day on their instruments after they have already attended school? Should a mother be so demanding? What did you think about her calling her children trash and rejecting their birthday cards? What about her dreams for Coco their dog?
Wasn't it interesting when she said, "I'm not good at enjoying life." And what about when she said this about children: "If you force them to do what you want, you don't have to be mad at them."
Obviously there is much to discuss. I've got to go because "there's no time girls," but I hope everyone joins in and shares their thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading what everyone thinks, and will return tonight to comment again and again, I am sure. Here's to our book club everyone. Let the comments begin.
Okay, I have been waiting for this but now that it is here I realize that I have so much to say and will have to come back and say it later. So, for now, I will let Alyssa be the first to weigh in. She read a handful of chapters and then handed me the book and said, "this woman is a buffoon, mommy!" And for now all I will say is that I completely agree with her.
ReplyDeleteBe back with more...
I'm sorry you couldn't do it last night. That was totally my fault. How was Mal's water polo game?
ReplyDeleteAmy Chua kind of reminds of that episode of "The Middle" where Sue's says, "But at what cost Brick? At what cost?" Sure her kids were amazing on the piano and violing and they did really well in school, but when I see what it has cost her and her family, it becomes obvious that her methods just aren't worth the cost. And I think that Jed plays an interesting role in the book because, he obviously didn't have the same kind of upbringing that she did, but he was extremely accomplished.
And I think that it is very interesting that she says that she doesn't play the piano well and blames it on not having a very good teacher. If she was brought up the same way her children have been, then it wouldn't really have mattered what kind of teacher she had. She would have been practicing all the time and would have progressed on her own. Although I have to admit I do wonder how she really plays the piano, because according to her standards probably very few people really play the piano.
I also think it's interesting that she had to change majors because she was in over her head with her first major (was it applied mathematics? I can't remember.) She said her Dad told her she was in over her head, but I thought that according to her that was failing. And especially because it's obvious that math is extremely important to Chinese parents, I would have thought her inability to complete that major would have been unacceptable. But in the book, it didn't seem like it was. I wonder if she really had the kind of upbringing that she thinks she did.
She contradicts herself all the time. I think my favorite one is when she says children only love what they're good at so you have to force them to be good at something and then they'll love it. And then at the end of the book she says most people are terrible at the things they love.
So . . . no I didn't like her. I totally disagree with her methods. Actually I think if you have the same goals that she does then go ahead and employ her parenting methods. But I don't have the same goals and I'm sure she would say that that is because I am a stupid Wester minded parent, but I don't care. I want to enjoy my children and my life. And more importantly I want my children to enjoy theirs.
Western I meant Western
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to say how grateful I am for my own dear mother who always understood that a child's is more than just the summation of his/her achievements.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm terrible today. Well I'm alsi typing one handed. What I meant to say is a child's worth and value. A child's worth and value is more than the summation of his or her achievements.
ReplyDeleteAlright, I have the kids at the table with playdough so let's see if I can get in on the conversation.
ReplyDeleteI thought Chua was ridiculous. I almost would have laughed at how contradictory and absurd her ideas were, had there not been real children involved.
I thought she held her children to a higher standard than she held herself. Like Catherine said, her major was over her head. And then remember she failed in her first attempt to teach at Yale. Another time I remember her saying that she brought a trinket form the wrong country to the school fair because she knew no one would know better. She would not have let her girls do something that lazy.
I was frustrated by her ignorant over generalizations of other people. When she made a claim that playing the drums leads to drugs. And you are a law professor? Really? Because I have a brother that plays drums, and was also on the football team and he may not play at Carnegie Hall but he is the sweetest most lovable and good human being ever.
Another thing that confused me was that most of the book was about practicing their instruments. She valued that above even academics from the sound of it. I couldn't believe that she would even pull LuLu out of school and take her to extra lessons. So over the top.
She claimed that she did all of this for the kids, and maybe she really thinks she did, but from the outside it doesn't look that way at all. She always talked about how they would humiliate her, or the family. She was only worried about how good or bad she would look because of her children.
Another reason I felt like her motives were entirely selfish was because of the whole plan for the dog nonsense. Were you doing that for the dog's sake? Because he would be happy to lay around and scratch himself all day. She was clearly worried about how everything would reflect on her.
I was frustrated with her husband. He was probably even more accomplished than she was and grew up with a loving family. Why didn't he try harder to show her that her reasoning was erroneous? I am usually all for people trying to work it out, but if someone treated my kids like that...oh boy would you see a tiger mother emerge.
I really try not to be ethnocentric and to automatically call other peoples cultures weird, but this womans ideas were just wrong. I admire her involvement with her kids. She really seemed to be right next to them through all of it, but without love I am afraid it wasn't worth much.
The b-day cards were the breaking point for me. To me that was cruel. Yes, they may have gone home and done better, and she may have thought she had taught them a valuable lesson but she was wrong. I know that in my life I have had people who were unkind to me as a child and I tried even harder to gain their approval. They were trying to gain validation from her, not to make a better paper b-day cards. And why did she care if they made her an ornate card in the first place when she flat out said that crafts were useless, in the same breath when she called drummers drug addicts.
Alright, maybe I sound harsh, but I can't handle when people are unkind to children. I actually do think she loved her girls, because she did back down with LuLu, but her ideas about parenting were so far off.
Of course, if she had to sit in my home and watch me be a mother I am sure she would have plenty to say about my very imperfect parenting. I sometimes think I am doing everything wrong, but I know that my kids know that I love them and that they are good enough. That is bigger than Carnegie Hall, for me anyway.
Catte,
ReplyDeleteNo-no. I didnt' think for a minute it was your fault. No worries.
I could have called you. I just thought I would post something in the morning forgetting we were trying to get to Mallory's game.
Clearly, this is an extreme form of parenting.
ReplyDeleteI assume Amy Chau's intentions are good but her methods involve namecalling, threats, blackmail and extortion. Her very words on p. 39 involving piano practice.
I realize she wants intelligent, disciplined, talented children, but I think she could have all of these things if she relaxed a little, and without having to threaten to burn their stuffed animals, or by telling her children they're trash!
When I had first read the article about her, and then as I began the book, one of the first things I thought of were The Kennedy Family.
Joe Kennedy insisted that his children be the best at everything, and their best was only what was good enough. The children also had to compete against each other. He had a child who was actually only mildly disabled, and he had a terrible time accepting that, and dealt with it in an extraordinarily cruel way.
Any Chau's insistence on success and discipline made me wonder what she would do if she had a child with learning disabilities, or a child who was handicapped in some way. I was genuinely surprised to read that she had a sister with Down Syndrome, but relieved that her family seemed to handle that well, although she stated that her mother cried all the time, but that they found ways to help her.
Chau lists what the Chinese Mother believes how a child should be raised and states, "the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal; and that medal must be gold." When Chau describes Cindy, her sister with Down Syndrome she also includes her accomplishment of receiving two International Special Olympics gold medals in swimming.
I know that Chau and her sisters are academically impressive and successful people. Was the sister with Down Syndrome expected to be impressive in her own way as well? Part of me wanted to applaud for the sister and wondered if she was also held to strict standards. But part of me wondered if even Cyndi was required and expected to achieve special recognition--a medal.
Is recognition too important to Amy Chau?
It seems like it is.
One of the things I found so annoying about her was how certain she was about everything. I detested her comments about crafts and thought she was ridiculous about what she said about playing the drums. Her wording is so certain. Not even a CAN lead to drugs, but which leads to drugs.
I thought Who Does This Woman Think She Is? A lot of times people who are so certain or so confident drive me insane. I like people who are a little self conscious and have a at least a little bit of self doubt.
It seems like a professor of Law at Yale Law School would know better than to write something so absolute.
In fact it seems like for someone who is clearly, very intelligent, she isn't very wise.
She stated that she doesn't really enjoy life, and I thought, well, maybe she should try. I thought she should take up the violin, or piano, or do something herself instead of insisting and forcing her daughters to do so. Maybe she should focus more on her own self and less so intensely on them.
All right, these are a few of my thoughts.....for now. It's Saturday and my children are waiting for me to stop typing.
I hope our discussion lasts all month long, and that everyone comes back and adds what else they are thinking of.
I read an article this weekend on John Lasseter, the Pizar Czar, and he discussed what he is personally nostalgic about. He said, "I've noticed with my own kids, it seems like they have so much more homework than I did. I worry about kids today not having time to build a treehouse or ride a bike or go fishing. I worry that life is getting faster and faster."
ReplyDeleteI liked what he said and it made me think of the book, The Importance of Play.